What would you think and do if you mother was in a car crash and she might not survive? Would you keep going , fighting . Or just be. Just waking up.
´No side effects will occur?´
´No mam, it´s been done before. This is just ... a test run.´
`I´ll be fine mum, if i turn into spiderman isn´t that a good thing?´
But in my head I just remember thinking, mum stay dont leave me here with… them. Funny how I think back at it… its so.. unreal . I was so stupid. How did I not see through their fake smiles and greenscreen motives. They were evil and I keep hating myself for not seeing that earlier. But then that other voice in my head just says: you were 5 … its.. ok.
NO ITS NOT NOW SHUT UP.
“ I have a pulse!”
“Cristal can you hear us?”
“Don’t lose her!”
Lose what? I just want to sleep leave me alone , this is such a compfy bath… so warm and … cosy…
“ She is going in to cardiac arrest we have to shock her into synish rithm.”
“No! She opend her eyes! If you do that she can have permanent braindamage!”
“ Or she will have no brain so move and let me do my thing, 1 2 3….. clear!”
Never have I felt something like that. It was unexplainable . I guess it didn’t feel diffrent. But what i felt before …. That was diffrent. I had felt out of pace. Which i quess was true because my heart was doing something weird.
“She is stable for now go check on the mother.”
Now thats when I alarm bells started going off. My mother. My lovely.. sweet… chubby mother.
“We will get to that later. Cristal can you hear me? Do you know where you are and what happend?’
´ no i... want my ... ´
as i try to get up i feel a presure in my head building up and it puls me back down to my bath, aswell as the doktors hand which lightly puts presure on my chest.
`you were in a car crash`
`where is ...she`
`who?, are you seeing things?
no i want my mother you idiot!
i tried to use my mouth but it just hung there.
`Shes crashing again!! ´
`We need a crash card in here!´
i feel something cold on my chest. It makes my bath les hot.. i hate the cold. The cold .. thingy is like yello. I feel an even colder meta-
AUCH FUCK WHAT THE HELL MAN ???
Now that hurt. So first you wont let me see my mother and now you taser me! I hope thats not my burning flesh i smell!
“Anndd she’s back, I hope you can keep her in control this time”
“yep…. Grr hate that guy, only cuz i am a nurse i get all this crap, you do this wrong you do that wrong, its probably because youre not a doktor.”
Seriously ? i thought as the , apparently, nurse went on japping about a doctor in the most annoying voice. Dont you get it? I want to see my mother!
“so he was like:’ No i think its a clot’ but i mean any idiot could see it was a bleed. But ooo nooo mr doktor man just wouldn’t listen and..
BIEP BIEP BIEP BIEP
.. well looks like mr awsome hair doktor guy did something… hope that patient dies so he will finally realise he is an
‘What?” i say as calmy as i can under the surcomstances. That was my mother he was talking about and she – my mother! What was happening?
BIEP BIEP BIEP
‘ I CANT STOP THE BLEED’
‘Its from her head!’
“It’s from her ear!”
“It’s from her eye socets…”
“I cant stop it! What do we do?”
BIEP BIEP BIEP
“Get her hearth rate down!”
“Hold her still damnet! I cant injec-
“get the paddels!!”
“George get over here”
“i’m with the girl, i cant just leave her here! You were the dokter and I was the nurse!”
“NOW IS SERIOUSLY THE TIME YOU WANT TO DISCUSS YOUR PRIDE?!!?!?”
Mum…..? With a shock i realise this might be the end. I tear up. At least thats what i think. My cheaks are getting wet. I was feeling again. I felt the bandage on my forhead and the weird tube down my stomach…
I opend my eyes
I was in a hospital, which obviously didnt surpirse me. I saw a bunch of doktors and nurses all cuddeld up around one patient.
“HEY”, I though “GO HELP MY MUM NOW, RIGHT NOW!”
And then i realised, that was my mum. That.. big red blop.
Time seemed to stand still…
No wait thats a load a crap
Time is a monster.. a demon.. and it never wait for anyone to catch up.
If anything things just started to speed up and i just couldnt keep up.
“TRY IT AGAIN”
I saw the blop go up.. and down… up …. And down..
I heared… for the last time.
“its no use let it go !”
‘ time of death…. 16:34’
I closed my eyes. Som my mum was dead. I knew i loved her. I knew i should be sad. But i quess at that time i just wasnt… did that make me selfisch? I guess this is just what they mean by being numb.
Normal people, normal…humans would let them self catch their breath.. slow down. Sit and proces.. But i couldnt afford that. My mums death, how weird it felt to say that, awakend me, I still felt numb and horrible at the same time. But I remember what my mum died for. I remember the car crash and the horrible sound my mother made when we crashed into that car.. I remember..
Which was why I had to kepp moving. I couldnt stop now and let her death be in vain. I was going to get up, be stronger than the big black pools of death that wanted to swallow me whole and never spit me out. My willpower was stronger than that. I was stronger than that. I had been through worse, I would survive this.
Who was I kidding I hadn’t survived worse than my mothers death. My dads death? No, i had only been 8 at the time and I had had my mother to comfort me..
NO NO NO i wasnt going to sit here in self pitty
Self pity? Your, mine, mum just died. You deserve rest.
NO you want her death to be in vain? You remember dont you? You know what you have to do. Get the hell out of this hospital. Rip that IV from your body and run. Get away from them. I told you you know right? So you know they killed her. They tried to kill you and you let your mum take the fall. NOW GO.
That was the final drop, my mothers death. I sat up and looked around.
“Ow sweety sit down, get some rest.”
This time afemale nurse came had pushed me back in my bath again. But wait now that I was more focused I realised I wasn’t in a bath. I was in a pool of my own blood. Blood red blood. Disgusting. It took me al my willpower not to get up and scream my lungs out because it really was pretty disgusting. But I guess my lack of energie held me down aswell. And ofcouse the nurse.
No, i’m fine just, ugh let me go. I had been about to say
No dont, dont let them know how consious you are. Lie down and pretend to sleep. Say your goodbyes and we’ll go.
That voice i Hated. I dispised. But it was company and… it was always right. A ow so nice side affect of their “drug trial”.
“Uhm yea sure “ I mumbled faking my uncertainy
I lied back down in my pool of blood.. I couldnt believe I thought this was once a hot bath. Now it was just cold and sticky…
“We should tell the daughter.. “
“She needs her rest, we can tell her when she wakes up. Are there any relatives we can call?”
“Her medical file states her dad pasted away a few years ago…. And they live about 2000 miles from here… So no close family we can easily contact.. wait 2000 miles? What on earth were they doing here?”
“ let me see that.. wait youre right.. Well we can call social security and try some distant relatives but right now… i think thats all we can do..”
“Thuff first day kid?”
“I’m not a child and I have done this before. Its just I am going to get some coffee, does anyone what something?”
Well that cuts it. He is sooo gay.
Seriously? Thats what you are thinking about now? I can not believe you. Youre not even actually hurt. Just a few cuts. So get of that lazy ass and do something!
I could ignore it all i wanted but i knew that voice was right. I had to do something. Get out of here catch a bus and just… go
Well now i know i am right.
Ugh wont you just shut up.
“how is she?”
“I think she is asleep… Who wouldn’t be…”
“ok… roll her over to the ICU and check her beta levels… she must be in a lot of pain. She is already maxed out on morfine but I quess she can get a new IV in about an hour or so. “
“I told you to never do that…”
“You are just hopeless arent you?”
As we are rolling away I can hear the Doctor mumbling about stupid nurses everywhere.
Well the nurse didnt seem to upset she just hummed as she rolled me.
“Well well, - she said as she parked me along other patients- you just stay here and i will be back in a few “
As I heard the flapping of her crocs go away Idared open my eyes. I was in a ICU chamber along 2 other patients. I looked at them intensively for a few minutes. No movement. They were weird or asleep. I went for asleep. And with that. My escape mission began
Our escape mission